Coming Out

       Our family and friends mean the world to us and sometimes are our world. When we're in the closet, those relationships can seem so fragile, especially when we're not sure what their reaction will be to our sexual identity. The fear of rejection is very real. No one wants to lose loved ones, so coming out of the closet may not seem worth the risk. Oftentimes, we focus so much on what we may lose by coming out that we forget about what we may gain: Openness and freedom to finally express ourselves openly. Many out gay men can attest that coming out was worth the risk.

        Coming out is the process of personally accepting your sexuality and telling others. The coming out process is different for every person. Some experience anxiety, pain and anguish while others find acceptance easier. You may also experience fear, doubt, loneliness, anger and even depression. That's why it is good to surround yourself with others that may be going through the same transition or who have already come out. They can be a great support system.

            After coming out to yourself the next step can be quite difficult: Sharing your sexuality with your loved ones and friends. One of the overriding fears of coming out is the fear of rejection from those we love. You may wonder if your family or friends will stop loving you. Some family and friends have a hard time accepting a gay loved one, while others are extremely supportive. The word "gay" isn't in the closet like it used to be, and if your family don't accept who u are, everyone at school knows what it is (even if there are bullies around), and even if they don't know who's gay on campus. You may find that live at school will be better if you come out and be who you are. You'll not only feel better, but you'll be a role model for other kids who are gay, but nervous about telling everyone. Chances are you're not the only gay kid on campus, but even if you are there are ways you can get support by making your school more gay-friendly.

            Coming out goes well many times, as evident in some coming out stories. But just in case things go sour, here's help on how to deal with rejection from family and friends.

My little take on Bisexuality

 The nature of bisexuality is easily misunderstood by both gays and straight people. The thought of a person that is attracted to both men and women can be confusing, especially within cultural models that classify sexuality as either one or the other. The middle voids the entire concept of sexuality as being fluid, instead of learned or defined. Plus, some use their misunderstanding of the concept of bisexuality to label themselves bi, when in fact they are in the process of accepting another form of sexuality. These things can lead to misconceptions about the validity of bisexuality and, in turn, the devaluation of bisexual people.

        Some people say that bisexuality is only a phase. Many bisexual people feel limited by the thought of being attracted to only a man or a woman. Their attractions, both physical and emotional, to the individual take precedence over the need to partner with just men or women. Discovering one's bisexuality happens by the same process as coming out in any other form of sexuality. Bisexual experiences may happen for people that are discovering their sexuality, even though they are not bisexual. So, it is common to view the experiences of actual bisexual people as just a phase.

          It is said that bisexual people are just confuse. My boyfriend is straight at least before we started dating he was straight and he still gets attracted to women but I know he loves me very much. He asked me a question concerning his sexuality saying "am I gay?" And I wasn't sure if I gave him the correct answer but I noticed that he was confused as to what he could call himself. I think Bisexual people embody the true nature of fluid sexuality. This is not to say that they "sway" back and forth," but that there are varying degrees of bisexuality. Some bisexual people "lean straight," as it's called, meaning they prefer a member of the opposite sex, but same-sex partners are an option. Others "lean gay," or the exact opposite. Their preferences are no more a choice than those of straight, gay or asexual people..

Homophobic Stereotypical comments about The Gays.

First of all, I have to say How do you know you are gay if you haven’t tried sex with someone of the opposite gender? A lot of people who write into the problem page have had this question presented to them once they come out to friends and family. Just as daft a question would be to ask them back how they can be so certain of their heterosexuality if they’ve never had a same-sex experience. The simple answer is that you don’t have to try sex with anyone to know that you want sex with some people and not others. If I was never close to a man again, if all men except myself were teleported to another planet, I’d still be lusting after them for the rest of my life. Because I’m gay. Simple.

Sexuality isn’t a choice. We don’t line men and woman up like flavours of ice cream to try. Sexuality is a deep-rooted part of who you are and it dictates who you are attracted to, before you so much as have your first kiss. I knew I was gay when I was 12yrs old, but I didn’t have a physical relationship until I was 17. During those intervening five years I was still as gay as I am now at 19yrs old and will still be when I'm 40yrs old.

So I know that I am gay even though I have never had sex with a woman because I have no desire to do so – the feelings aren’t there. Women are wonderful, but sleeping with them isn’t a part of me. I'm not programmed to respond to their bodies in the way a straight man is, just as it's not a part of a straight man's nature to respond sexually to the bodies of other men.

Don’t put yourself into sexual situations that don’t feel right for you, even if those around you think it’s a good idea that you 'give it a try'. It’s not fair on you or the subject of the experiment. The only reason you should ever have sex with someone is because you truly want to. And that's that.
  
The annoying gay-bashing comments we face from homophobic people    
        " Gay men are all effeminate, promiscuous and bitchy". Gay people are as varied in appearance and behaviour as heterosexual people. Their beliefs and values have as broad a range as you can imagine. Although stereotypes might have originally been based on genuine observations, they tends to be based around the most visible element of a minority group. It’s human nature to want to label things so that we can make sense of the world. Putting all gay people in a box and assuming they all behave in a certain way makes it easier to deal with the unknown.

I’ve worked with straight people a few times who were very surprised that I seemed so ‘normal’ and not like what they had expected of a gay man. You might hold stereotypes in your mind of minority groups, but try to be open minded and see the broader picture. Sexuality should be a way of assuming how someone behaves or what motivates them. Remember too that if a person does exhibit stereotypical traits, such qualities are not necessarily negative.

                " Gay people can't have "real" relationships like straight people can". Some people view same-sex relationships are inferior or 'not the real thing'. Some view being gay as a weird sexual fetish rather than someone's sexuality, and think that real romantic love can only be found with someone of the opposite sex.

Gay people fall in love and have healthy, happy, lasting, monogamous relationships just like heterosexual people. The powerful feelings involved are the same. Same-sex relationships are as likely to succeed or fail as opposite-sex relationships. It's the people within the relationship who make or break it.
      
       lastly " Being gay is not a mental health problem itself, but mental health problems among gay people are relatively high".

Gay people face obstacles and challenges that straight people don't get that It's tough growing up gay when the world around you may be telling you that it's wrong to be who you are. Homophobia and bullying; feelings of isolation and loneliness; learning to pretend you are someone else to please your peers, put great strain on someone's daily life. It's no wonder that some gay people develop mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, self-harm and even suicide.

Nobody is born depressed, anxious or suicidal. It's negative life experiences that can result in problems, regardless of whether you are gay or straight.

Being Backstage At MTN lagos Fashion Week, A Personal Experience

FASHION WEEK! So glamorous. So chic. But I’m here to tell you: no, not really.

A few days back,  I applied for the job of a dresser as an intern in a  fashion show, and as a part of the internship I was required to help out backstage at this fashion show. O-M-G, I thought. Models, make up, hair, clothes; this will be amazing. I pictured myself gallivanting around, chit chatting with designers, “Oh, you want ME to try on your 35,000naira dress — why of course! It just fits me perfectly. I can keep it!? Yea? You’re too kind.” Lol

If you are thinking about volunteering at Fashion Week so you can get the “in” it’s probably a good idea. But if you have similar expectations as I had, here is what you need to know from my personal experience:

- First, you should realize you will probably be required to wear all black. Not like cute all black, not like little black dress, and not like biker-chick-chic — more like black comfortable shoes and clothing you could climb a fence in, because there’s a possibility you will have to climb a fence if someone with a headset asks you to.

- Which leads me to my second point — people with headsets rule all. I have no explanation for this, but if you see a headset, obey any and all commands.

- You will probably do a lot of standing around and waiting. Then a lot flustered rushing. And then a lot of cleaning, packing, and organizing. Not to mention heavy lifting, running, ushering, and steaming. Trust me, you will eventually start sweating from all of the rigorous physical activity. GLAMOUROUS.


- No, you will not be in any photos on Complete fashion, Flair, Genevieve, and all other fashion mags. . See all of these models posing here? I’m actually behind them. You can’t see me. You’re not supposed to see me. Hence, therefore, vis-a-vis — you will not be in those mags.

- You may, however, may be asked to talk about underwear on camera but I wasn't told to do that. And u may be asked to hold up a pair of panties and explain their functionality. And Instead of flirting with famous designers you'd be  discussing how underwear works (and no, I’m not talking lingerie). Again, GLAMOUROUS.

- I hope you comfortable with nudity, as it’s most likely naked models will be present, waiting for you to stick pasties on their nipples. (Yes, I did that.)

- Omotola jolade ekeinde might be running late. And it will feel like the world is about to end.

- Omotola jolade  might not want to use the designated ‘celebrity’ door to exit after the show. And it will feel like the world is about to end.

- And finally, whatever Omotola wants, Omotola gets.

I actually got to watch the show.  I didn't have to work once it started And to be
able to say you worked fashion week is so cool. Internships, according to some guidelines, must be similar to "educational" training, so getting paid shouldn't be really expected.

Phew! I hope my little “experiences” don’t deter you too much — Fashion Week is an awesome experience and it’s fun to feel like you are helping put on the show. Just prepare yourself.
            (c)copyright by kennie savage.

Bi Curiosity

        Maybe you think of yourself as straight but what happens if you have feelings for someone of the same gender as you? What does it mean to be bi-curious? I like to think it's when you're confused about your sexuality.

        Everyone's got a type. Some people go for black people and some people go for white people. But then, every now and then, you crush on somebody who doesn't conform to the sort of person you usually go for. You fall for someone not because of their race, or height, but because of who they are - and sometimes their gender might come as a surprise. It's certainly not unusual to have feelings for people of a different gender from the one you normally fancy, whether it's someone you know in person or someone you see on TV or in a film, Gender isn't always the defining factor in why people find others emotionally or sexually attractive. But it can sometimes be confusing or upsetting to have these feelings when you always thought that you could clearly define your sexual orientation.

         While it's totally normal to experience bi-curiosity, though, it's not always easy to know what to do about it - especially if you've got a crush on a friend, or you're surrounded by people who might not understand. Facing up to your feelings is how u might know how to deal with it.

        I think it's okay to be curious and It's important to remember that there's no rush to define your sexuality. We're so used to putting tags on people that sometimes it's tempting to jump to conclusions. But our sexuality is our own business, and if things don't feel clear cut, there's no need to try and define.

      Unfortunately, exploring your sexuality can still be a difficult thing, particularly in the wrong environment. "Particularly for young people, coming out can be really risky and when it goes badly can lead to bullying, domestic abuse and homelessnes. Even when it goes well in terms of getting support from friends and family, that doesn't mean the rest of the world will agree. It's not just straight society that you need to worry about, though. Just because you're experiencing these feelings doesn't mean that the gay community will welcome you with open arms. Bisexuality has a negative reputation in some sections of the gay community, and so-called 'bi-try' types may be stereotyped as untrustworthy, confused or slutty, out to sate their own lust before flitting off. Don't reinforce negative stereotypes. If you're out to explore your sexuality, beware of treating people as experiments. It might be a learning experience or just a bit of fun for you, but don't lead people on, and be aware that gay relationships can be just as complicated and emotionally charged as straight ones.


        Maybe you're bisexual. Maybe you're gay. Maybe you're straight. But the important thing to remember is that it's your decision how you label yourself, if at all - and you have the right to decide in your own time. "It's OK not to know what's going on.

        (C)copy written by kennie savage

Are gay relationships different?

        Many people, gay and straight, assume gay men are worse at maintaining relationships than straight people are. Straight people are so quick to believe stereotypes about gay men and it's really annoying given the fact that they aren't even near perfect.

    Even some gay men don't believe in same-sex relationship and one common excuse is "why should we act like the straight people" loving someone and being with them is a natural thing, and it's not just for the heterosexual people alone....

    I have an older friend who was in a relationship for 6years. He use to say it then that meeting his partner was one of the most reliable story to tell to any of his friends because it was preposterous to think they wouldn't have ended up together. They were so happy and loved each other very deeply. The break up sucked, the more so because it was no one's fault. The relationship had become to suffer the inanition of many marriages (The seven-year itch isn't a myth; I've come to believe that the median duration of first marriages that end in divorce is 7-9 years.) And all of the sudden they were no longer in love with each other. Things drifted for them and they had some icky couples councelling. My friend said " the night my ex wouldn't stay up to watch a 20min sitcom with me was the day I knew I had to move out" he knew they were finally done......so now tell me, how's this relationship any different from what the straight before are going through in their relationships?

       I remember when my first relationship ended. I wondered What impact had our homosexuality had on the longevity, arc and dissolution of our relationship? Had we given up on each other because we were men or because we were gay? Or neither?  Friends offered clichés: Some people just aren't meant for each other. Yeah! Right.
       The first thing to observe on how gays and lesbians interact with their partners during conversations (monitoring facial expressions, vocal tones, emotional displays and physical reactions like changes in heart rate).
          I'm gonna  conclude by saying that gays and lesbians are nicer than straight people during arguments with partners: they are significantly less belligerent, less domineering and less fearful. Gays and lesbians also use humor more often when arguing (and lesbians use even more humor than gays. So I'm  concluding that "heterosexual relationships may have a great deal to learn from homosexual relationships." Because gay relationships aren't in the fainties bit different.

         Copy written (c) by kennie savage..........as always u could reach me me on facebook for any questions. thank you

The confession of a suicidal virgin

Note: this story isn't about me but it's a true life expression of someone who's deeply hurting.

      Dear Dad,

                 I was at school thinking of you and how you raised me to live with regrets of being born into this cold world. I’m already broken like the first time you broke and shattered my virginity walls, it’s ok though I haven’t told my mum yet and I probably won’t since she doesn’t care anyway. If there was a vivid moment that I remember seeing anything with my youthful eyes it will be when I was just born in the hospital and I must say it was funny. Well it’s funny because I keep thinking wow you just couldn’t wait, you just had to be a pervert and take advantage of my precious lips that starved for a mum’s breast milk. My boyfreind calls me a bitch today and it’s not any different from what you call me when you forcefully let yourself in me. You can blame it on the alcohol but I know you are who you are and you’re very proud of it.

            Sorry I’m writing this letter especially since you disowned me and never looked back after having more kids with another woman. I am broken once again like the time you shattered my virginity walls but I am hoping that this letter will reach you safely. Today mum was arrested today as usual and don’t worry ill find a way to survive. A friend told me I have the natural gifts to survive on these streets. I think this job will be great especially since you untied the ribbons on my natural gift at the crucial moments of my feminine cycle. Sincerely I am writing this letter because I want you to know the pain I felt throughout my youthful years. So when I do kill you, you can understand why I did it as you look from hell where you belong. The devil will definitely recognize you but I will be invincible and blind to your presence as I put a stop to this immorality you are putting upon your other daughters. I may pull the trigger on myself right after I finish you off. I thought I will cut your man hood and put it in your hands, since its always in your hands right before you break into my virginity walls forcefully but for now may your soul rest in peace….

Thank you,

Suicidal Virgin



(inspired by physical abuse, child molestation kept in families)
      Copywritten (c) by Biodun Abudu. All rights reserved. Biodun's Blog
Reposted by kennie savage